Romance is really tricky. You have to find someone you like, and someone who likes you. Then it has to work out that you’re both single. Finally, someone has to be brave enough to ask the other person out. If that happens, all you gotta do is say yes, and you’ve taken a huge step towards Happily Ever After. But that’s still a lot, which is why people are so enraged with this Quora questioner.
They asked, “A guy asked me out today and I told him ‘no,’ but I wanted him to try harder. Why didn’t he try again?”
Are you freaking kidding me?
If someone is brave enough to ask you out and you say “no” when you actually do want to go out with them, you are unnecessarily complicating everyone’s life, hurting a person’s feelings, and perhaps setting back interpersonal relationships across society??
The replies are full of people who can’t believe she was wondering where she went wrong.
“I know when I get rejected by women, the first thing I want to do is ask them out again so I can be rejected a second time. That’s always the best. Sarcasm aside, this kind of behaviour is bullshit. I fucking hate when people do this. If you like someone, just say so. He’s already taken all of the risk for you. He asked you out, risking being rejected, and you told him ‘no.’ And you want him to do this a second time? Why would you do that?When he asked you out the first time, if you wanted to be with him, you should have simply said ‘yes.’ Don’t play games. Don’t play ‘hard to get’. It’s nonsense.If you like this guy, what you should instead do is go up to him the next time you see him, apologize to him for lying about your feelings, tell him the truth, then ask him out.”
True! It’s time for her to make this right.
Quora user Jellis Vaes wrote that the questioner should cut it out, because she was just confusing them both, adding, “Also, don’t be one of those girls who just waits and waits until some guy finally asks them out. Make your move, too … if you like someone.”
April Koh broke it down by saying taht someone who doesn’t take no for an answer is a bad dude, period.
“Let’s put this in a different context: A guy asked me for sex and I told him “no,” but I wanted him to try harder.Why didn’t he try again? Do you understand how unfathomable such a question is?But it boils down to the same thing — you want someone who can’t take no for an answer.Maybe you can call such people ‘driven’, ‘motivated’, ‘undaunted in the face of difficulty’. But what kind of person doesn’t respect ‘no’ for an answer?”
Lots of guys related their experience of being rejected and admitted they didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is playing mind games, like Håkon Hapnes Strand, who hails all the way from Norway. Guess this is a problem there, too.
“As a guy, this has happened to me more times than I’d like to admit,” he writes. “Whenever it happened, you know what I did? I immediately turned on my heel and left the situation while the ‘o’ was still hanging in the air. I don’t play that game.Sure, I probably missed out on some pretty girls that secretly wanted me to try harder. But you know what? I don’t have time for that nonsense. If your first encounter with me is some dishonest attempt at establishing a skewed power relation, then it might as well be our last.”
But commenter Kym Brown got tired of the pile-on. This kind of dating behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum after all. Women are kinda taught that they have to play games to maintain the interest of dudes, which is obviously bad for everyone.
“Well, now that you’ve been thoroughly admonished, shamed, and informed on the folly of your silly game play, I’d like to add my two cents to the conversation by hopefully giving you some advice. If you truly are interested in this person and aren’t just irritated that you ‘lost’ your game, then there is really only one thing to do. You have to apologize, sincerely, ask him to forgive you for trying to play with his emotions, and let him know you are indeed interested in getting to know him better. That’s it…then accept the outcome and learn from it. If this is the worst thing you do in your dating life, then you’ll come out okay whatever happens. I’m not beating you up anymore and wish you luck!”
Best of luck to everyone in this scenario. If this dude really likes that girl, he’s got his work cut out for him—and she’s got some serious growing up to do.