NFL fans burning their jerseys and season tickets amid the #TakeAKnee movement may want to put down the lighter fluid, and turn on Netflix.
They can learn an important lesson from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Burning jerseys is like printing money for the NFL. For every jersey you burn, the NFL makes money. Lots of it.
In Season 3 of the comedy created by Tina Fey and Robert Carlock, one of the characters, a rich divorcee named Jacqueline White, is on a crusade to get the Washington Redskins to change its name.
At first she tries blackmailing a team owner’s son, but when that doesn’t work out, she concocts an even wilier plan — thanks to some inspiration from protesters.
After eschewing her Native American heritage to become a mistress-turned-high-society-wife-turned-rich-blonde-divorcee, Jacqueline wants to make it right to her parents. When she sees them at a protest outside the Washington Redskins board meeting in episode 10 of Season 3, they’re burning expensive jerseys.
“How much do those things cost?” Jacqueline asks her father, who responds: “250 bucks. Good thing Trump’s gonna make us all rich, right?”
And boom, a lightbulb goes off. She finagles her way into the board meeting and convinces the team owners that they’d make even more money if they came up with an even more controversial team name. How about the Jacksonville Hillarys, one owner exclaims, or the Kansas City Islams, another opines.
They settle on the Washington Gun-Takers.
“When a fan buys a jersey they keep it for life, but when a protester buys a jersey they burn it and buy another one next week,” Jacqueline says.
So these folks up above burning NFL merch because they’re mad about players taking the knee during (or before as the entire Dallas Cowboys team did with their billionaire owner) the national anthem may want to come up with a better plan to stick it to ’em.
Start by watching the episode (maybe binge all three seasons while you’re at it), and then take some more unsolicited, but very good advice:
To the idiots burning their NFL merchandise: why not just sell it and donate the money to organizations supporting vets/the military?
— Boston Leigh (@GirlNamedBoston) September 27, 2017